Our book read is moving along - as a community we're through with chapters 1-3 and are moving into our second book section. As the teachers begin to prepare for their course, the New Albany Middle School Guidance Department has been sending me interesting quotes and selections from the book to post for your thoughts and comments. You can comment by clicking the comment link at the end of each post. Comments are moderated so nothing that is unkind, breaches confidentiality or is otherwise inappropriate will be posted.
Since the winter holidays are behind us and most everyone in our community probably had the experience of giving or receiving a gift, the particular excerpt seemed particularly relevant.
As my own kids returned to school this week and reported back on the gifts everyone received, I wondered, "Do we really need to give our kids 'what everyone else has'? Is that new pair of Uggs, Juicy sweat suit, Vera Bradley bag, or Marc Jacobs watch necessary or even appropriate for our kids? After all there will always be a new fad, fashion statement or bauble that they must have. Why do we as parents (and believe me, I fall squarely into this category) fuel their desire for more stuff? After all, we know there will always be folks with more and folks with less - shouldn't we be happy with our lot?
On page 49 Madeline Levine writes:
When-parents-mothers in particular-value financial success more than affiliation, community, or self-acceptance, they are likely to have children who share these values.What is healthy and unhealthy competition? How do you help your children understand the difference between the two? When do you give in to the unhealthy and how do you maintain a balance? When has unhealthy competition gotten in the way of healthy competition and how have you handled that?
Transmitting values is one of the most important parenting jobs we have. Instead of talking about your next purchase, consider sharing with your children your enthusiasm for activities that make you feel productive and engaged-your work, your book group, a volunteer job or community-education class you’re considering. Talk about how to make moral choices, whether at home or out in the world. Help your kid understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition.
In particular what strikes me about this passage is this idea that competition is an option? Competition is innate in any society. The science and research is unambiguous about the competetive nature of all species, survival is proof enough. As an educator and a mom, I really believe that I need to empower and teach my children to navigate the "pitfalls" of competition and harness the positive impacts of goals setting and focus. Competition is their reality. From grades to sports to clothes to friends. This phenomenon only grows with us. As adults we compete by tax bracket, looks, fitness, success, and our children's accomplishments. I posit that my job is to give my children the tools to "filter" out the negative residual effects of competition. Modeling that it is the journey and not the destination that makes us successful. I ask what are you learning, not what is your grade? How is the team doing, rather than how many points did you score? Every success or failure, puts us at a certain "place" in the competition of life. I ardently believe that every failure should be coupled with learning and every success should be tempered with gratitude and empathy. Thus, teaching our kids to remain "healthy" in the presence of competition.
ReplyDeleteI agree...competition is a constant in our society and our kids need to learn how to use it for personal growth. I feel modeling is the best teaching tool because children watch and absorb how adults react to situations day in and day out. Sometimes I purposely say my thoughts aloud so my kids can hear my thinking process. I may set a small goal, say another strategy I wish I would have tried, or maybe compliment the person who beat me.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with the blurry line between healthy and unhealthy competition. You want to push yourself beyond normal yet you don't want to go too far. How do I help my kids push themselves without going to extremes? In a society where we are happy to let others do for us, how do I know they are challenging themselves fully?
Tina,
ReplyDeleteGreat points! I locked onto a quote of Levine's on pg. 52 "The excessive focus on competition found in many affluent homes comes from diverse sources-anxiety, narcissism, and insecurity, as well as materialism....finding a stong link between materialism and competition." Levine indicates that students learn to compete rather than cooperate. I see this many times, and often observe, the materialisim coming from a place of insecurity. The adolescent craves a paradox...I want to be completely unique, but just like everyone else (i.e. Uggs are stupid and everyone has them, yet I still want a pair!?) It think the rituals of dinner, time spent as a family, rountines before going to bed, gifts of services,etc. are all ways to give kids a sense of self-worth and security.....the two most important powers to combat competition.
I do not think that competition or being affluent are in and of themselves bad things. I try and help my children see competition in light of the best job they can do. Is the lawn mowed to the best of their ability? Is that school project completed to their own highest standard? I have one child who is very perfectionist and would always see a better way to do something, so when she was younger, I set a time limit on the school project. She had to complete the best job she could in a certain time frame. Now she is older, she can internalize that concept and say she has done the best job in the time given. At the same time, I try and make my children look outward and see those who need help. If my child can read well, who can she help who is struggling with the same task? I try to instill in my children that we should use our abilities to help others. Compassion for others mitigates the drive to be overly competitive and teaches us that we all need help with something at some point in our lives...
ReplyDeleteI use the same concept with money. If my children want Uggs, what are they going to do around the house to earn them? What can they give away? And every once in a while I break down and buy material things for my children just for the sheer joy in giving to those I love most....
Jaime, a group of educators had this same discussion that you point out between the link of materialism and competition. The observation I have made teaching 8th grade is that towards the end of the school year this begins to slightly fade as students strive more and more towards independence as they transition to high school. The students who are most successful at this tend to be the ones who are more aware of their surroundings.
ReplyDeleteSo how do we continue to push the one's who struggle? Modeling seems to be the best way. Teaching and modeling students to become more aware of their surroundings through observation and inference of the natural world whether in nature outdoors or within the classroom or away on a class trip. I am remembering a 7th grade camp nuhop trip in which the kids sat down family style for dinner with a teacher at the table. The first night of dinner was always a disaster because of the competition for attention / food / and laughs. However, with modeling and a good sense of humor the next meal became better and so on...before you knew it they were serving one another and talking to each other about their day. A mix of physical exertion on ropes courses / team building and modeling from strong adult role models allowed the materialism to fade and competition to fly out the window...or off the zip line :).
As a high school teacher, I feel like I see more of the unhealthy side of competition and achievement. When Dr. Levine commented on the achievement pressure in Chapter 2, it really hit home for me. She states "parent's anxiety about school performance leads to children who are pressured and anxious, but perhaps most dangerously it also leads to children who are...maladaptive perfectionist[s]...that is, perfectionism that impairs functioning" (29). Once kids reach high school, there is a lot of community pressure (it may not even come from the parents!) to take tough course loads, do well in classes and get into a top college. Every single grade comes under the microscope and the students feel like they must be perfect OR ELSE. I have seen numerous intelligent students break down because they feel so much pressure to be perfect. I hear over and over my students telling me they "failed" a test or a class or an essay, when they really got a B. I have had numerous students come to me in hysterical tears (I do not exaggerate) because of a B or C grade. Sometimes when I probe further about why they are so hard on themselves, they tell me that anything below an A is unacceptable at home. Sometimes, the pressure is self-induced or based on a notion that anything less means they will not get into the college they want or they will not be successful post-secondary. I am very concerned, as Dr. Levine says, when my "children come to see anything less than perfection as failure" (29). I have to continually remind my students that B's and C's are good grades. I have to continually remind them that learning is a process and they are not "failures" if they get less than an A. The level of anxiety and stress they show is alarming and it gets in the way of real learning. Dr. Levine states that "the creativity and flexibility required to become a true learner is inhibited by excessive focus on every inch or progress or lack therof" (28). The unhealthy competition to get the best grade and take the toughest classes "does not encourage real love of learning" and instead creates students who are only focused on the bottom line (28). At the end of the day, the people who are most successful are those who have a true love of learning and passion for life, not those who got straight A's.
ReplyDeleteAs an educator, I identified and agreed with Dr. Levine’s section on “Achievement Pressure”. The emphasis on achieving an “A” often supersedes the emphasis on actual learning within the classroom; furthermore, it is often magnified in Honors and AP level classes. Rather than focusing on why or how the student received a particular grade, students automatically pull out calculators to determine their percentages. Students seem to create additional self-inflicted stress as a result of “maladaptive perfectionism” (29). Although I would like students to attain high grades, it should not be the exclusive goal. Since, as Dr. Levine states, “internal motivation…is the basis of all true learning,” I would like students “to engage in activities that are satisfying for their own sake,” not only as the means to an end (ie:grade). (55). In addition to striving for a high grade, I would like students to feel a deeper, more intrinsic, sense of accomplishment.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, I think the kids want good grades in AP and Hons classes because it means not only a good GPA but college scholarship potential. The kids would probably like to focus on learning too but with more kids applying to colleges and a tough economy, even for the well endowed colleges, this means less scholarships and more competition for places. Even schools that were relatively safe a few years ago require higher GPAs to attend and girls have a tougher time getting places in colleges even than boys, due to more girls attending (check out Mr. Stahlsman's college center notes for an update on how tough it is to get into colleges these days).
ReplyDeleteThis is a fact of life and nothing to do with Levine's "maladaptive learning."
As an educator and mother of two teenagers, I see the negative impact an emphasis on test scores can have. Our current educational structure focuses on the following tests: the Ohio Achievement Tests, the Ohio Graduation Test, and the ACT and SAT tests. The pressure to do well comes from a variety of sources- parents, teachers, and the students themselves. I think that Levine has overlooked an important educational trend today, and that is our society's preoccupation with standardized test scores.
ReplyDeleteAn emphasis on individual test scores leads to an all about me attitude. Students need more opportunities to develop a sense of community in our schools. Levine states that teenagers need an abundance of support on the road to developing their sense of self, and activities that foster partnerships and teams can provide these opportunities. Perhaps parents and schools can work together to build a sense of community that will help our teens handle the pressures of high stake tests in a supportive environment where trusting relationships are fostered and encouraged.
Do schools even have to give grades?
ReplyDeleteDebbie Donskov,
ReplyDeleteI do believe that it "takes a village to raise a child." As a group our school community interacts,demonstrates,models, encourages, and hopefully,provides opportunity and guidance for our adolescents. With this "community scaffolding", we can provide the foundation upon which our children feel safe to compete. We learn more through our attempts (failures) then from our successes. We have all heard that "experience is the mother of all learning." If we could only give our children an educational experience without a performance grade! Levine states that "learning and performance are not always the same thing."(Pg. 57) As parents and educators we must praise our children for their desire to learn, inquire, and question.
As Levine states in on p. 19 "children come to see anything less than perfection as failure," is disturbing at so many levels. As a mother, this scares me to see some of my own students in situations in which they are putting so much pressure on themselves that they warrant mental health consults. I have to ask myself on a weekly basis...am I as their teacher putting this pressure on them? Our we as a society doing this to our own children?
ReplyDeleteWith the pressure of high stakes tests, college entrance...or heck what we even pressure ourselves with as young parents...getting into the right preschool??? Are we setting our kids up for mental health issues? Are we setting them up to cheat? Are we setting them up to not look at the process of learning rather the product or the grade?
So, as a teacher, as a mother, what kind of commitments / convictions must a hold true to. How do I show my kids that the learning is more important than the grade? I have been working with Mastery learning and allowing kids to work / learn and continue doing assessments until their grade is at a place they are comfortable with in the hopes that the learning that is taking place (whether you learn fast, medium, or slow) is not timed and graded...it is about the process that then hopefully helps you to earn the grade.
Can you imagine if we gave our own children a grade card? We do in some ways with our expectations, but can you imagine if we just gave them a grade card with the typical letter grades? That would be pretty messed up in my opinion. So...here it comes...why do we do it in our middle school and high school. If we know that the competition is going to lead to greater issues and take away from the "learning" process, then why do we fall into the trap of continuing to give grades rather than use more detailed feedback?
I do not believe that competition is a bad thing or necessarily takes away from the learning process. It depends on your personality; some people thrive on competition. We need grades because we live in an imperfect world and we need some way to compare students. And how about the students who are just plain lazy and without the "encouragement" of parents seeing a grade would do absolutely nothing? I bet you are all faced with those kids in your classroom every single day. Grades are a good and needed in education. I shall be controversial and say that if you are overwhelmed as a kid by a bad grade in school, then good luck with the rest of life's tough issues!
ReplyDelete