Are You Reading?

What's Your Elephant?

2010-01-16T09:46:00.003-05:00

This blog is intended for parent AND teacher participation. As a parent, I'm (re)reading Price of Privilege through the eyes of a biased supporter of my own child. However, the book read is intended to reach teachers (and others) who know my child (and yours) in the classroom, the hallways, and the general community.

I'd like to know how they REALLY see our Ugg sporting, Abercrombie wearing, BMW driving kids.

So - here's to the elephant in the room (and BTW I LOVE this photo!). How do our privileged kids behave when they aren't in our houses? How does our overindulgent model of parenting work for you?

When we drop off homework, instruments and lunches in the office; when we provide our kids with the latest gadget without teaching them etiquette; when we buy them a car with a price tag equal to your annual salary...how do YOU see these actions effecting our kids? What kind of kids do YOU think we're raising?

2010-01-14T23:13:00.002-05:00

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. Havelock Ellis

As parents of middle and high school children, we frequently hear about letting go. As our kids get older, we know they need more independence, more opportunities to make their own decisions. The opportunities present themselves at different times for different families - summer camp, school dances, first dates. These are all times when as parents we must let go.

Last year, when my oldest daughter was preparing to leave for college well-meaning friends shared their words of wisdom about the letting go process. I heard the analogy of the mother bird nudging her fledglings out of the nest. Many likened it to "launching". Honestly, I didn't like the idea of "launching" her. Rockets launch. Rockets are loaded up with lots of explosives, then shot into the sky, fast and loud. They disappear quickly from sight and then silently circle the planet. I did not want to think of my daughter like this. Loudly and abrubtly leaving our house and then silently orbiting somewhere "out there".

There were times when I did feel like the mother bird. As the start date of college approached, our nest started to feel very small. Some days, I felt like tossing her out and watching her take that first frantic flight. I knew she could fly, I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how strong her wings were or how long she could fly on those first solo flights.

Pushing her out of my nest was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do as a parent. I guess I can count myself lucky, as I know there are parents who have had far more difficult tasks with their children. The day we left her on the quad, outside of her new home and walked away, will stay in my memory forever. She - standing there watching us leave, trepidation on her face. Me - trying not to look back too often, hiding my tears behind sunglasses. My heart felt like it was breaking. I knew in my head "this is what parents do" but my heart wasn't convinced.

This is our job as parents. We bring these little people into the world, fill them up with our love (and life lessons) and then let them go.

Today I read page 74 of Price of Privilege:

Letting go is necessary; it is sometimes extremely difficult....by forcing myself to tolerate anxiety and separation, we both get the opportunity to discover and develop new skills for dealing effectively with challenge....We both feel more in control of our respective worlds.

According to Dr. Levine, letting go serves a double purpose: it teaches our children how to self-manage and teaches the parent how to manage anxiety and separation (pg. 74-75 Price of Privilege). To be complete and full parents, We need to let go. When need to watch our children resolving a problem, managing a disappointment, or the transitionto college. In the same way our children benefit from the experience, we feel a sense of accomplishment in knowing that we have prepared them for their next adventure. I've never really thought about the idea that letting go is good for me, too. The letting go teaches us both

I liked reading what Dr. Levine shared about the necessity and importance of the discomfort (and sometimes fear) that comes with letting go. When have you let go and how did you learn from it?

Manager, Consultant, Scaffold....Which are You?

2010-01-06T14:56:00.005-05:00

Merriam Webster defines Scaffolding as a supporting framework. The idea of Instructional scaffolding is the provision of sufficient support to promote learning when concepts and skills are being first introduced to students. These supports may include the following:

Resources
A compelling task
Templates and guides
Guidance on the development of cognitive and social skills

These supports are gradually removed as students develop autonomous learning strategies, thus promoting their own cognitive, affective and psychomotor learning skills and knowledge. Teachers help the students master a task or a concept by providing support. The support can take many forms such as outlines, recommended documents, storyboards, or key questions (thank you Wikipedia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instructional_scaffolding

Parents and teachers provide scaffolds - we are the supportive structures that help our children learn, play, grow, and develop into competent adults. When we offer advice about friends, help with homework, and guide our children through their struggles we are the scaffold on which they stand as they build their adult lives. Sometimes we become more than just the support - when we become the problem solver, the friend, or the homework author we have robbed our children of the importance of learning how to resolve the issue. Sometimes the lesson is learned in failing rather than achieving.

On page 12 of Price of Privilege, Madeline Levine writes

support is about the needs of the child, intrusion is about the needs of the parent

How do you provide scaffolding for the children in your life? When have you let the scaffolding fall? What were the results?

As a parent, do you support or intrude?

Someone once said the business of parents of middle schooers and high schoolers is learning how to navigate from manager to consultant. Bascially, we must build more and stronger scaffolding as our kids grow, eventually changing the nature of the support so their strong adult-selves can stand independently.

Retail Therapy

2010-01-04T21:04:00.003-05:00

Our book read is moving along - as a community we're through with chapters 1-3 and are moving into our second book section. As the teachers begin to prepare for their course, the New Albany Middle School Guidance Department has been sending me interesting quotes and selections from the book to post for your thoughts and comments. You can comment by clicking the comment link at the end of each post. Comments are moderated so nothing that is unkind, breaches confidentiality or is otherwise inappropriate will be posted.

Since the winter holidays are behind us and most everyone in our community probably had the experience of giving or receiving a gift, the particular excerpt seemed particularly relevant.

As my own kids returned to school this week and reported back on the gifts everyone received, I wondered, "Do we really need to give our kids 'what everyone else has'? Is that new pair of Uggs, Juicy sweat suit, Vera Bradley bag, or Marc Jacobs watch necessary or even appropriate for our kids? After all there will always be a new fad, fashion statement or bauble that they must have. Why do we as parents (and believe me, I fall squarely into this category) fuel their desire for more stuff? After all, we know there will always be folks with more and folks with less - shouldn't we be happy with our lot?

On page 49 Madeline Levine writes:

When-parents-mothers in particular-value financial success more than affiliation, community, or self-acceptance, they are likely to have children who share these values.

Transmitting values is one of the most important parenting jobs we have. Instead of talking about your next purchase, consider sharing with your children your enthusiasm for activities that make you feel productive and engaged-your work, your book group, a volunteer job or community-education class you’re considering. Talk about how to make moral choices, whether at home or out in the world. Help your kid understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy competition.

What is healthy and unhealthy competition? How do you help your children understand the difference between the two? When do you give in to the unhealthy and how do you maintain a balance? When has unhealthy competition gotten in the way of healthy competition and how have you handled that?

My 6th Grade Croissant

2009-12-17T22:17:00.006-05:00

During the next four months, the blog will be devoted to developing and encouraging a conversation between and amongst community members. Teachers in the district will be participating in a course, parents will be reading Madeline Levine's, Price of Privilege, and I will be keeping the conversation going virtually!

The Middle School Guidance Department has been working with the book read committee to develop some interesting questions to get us started. I'll be posting questions along with some of my own thoughts, which will hopefully encourage your participation, comments, and responses. In the next few months, teachers will be participating in a continuing education course with posting requirements. I'm looking forward to having their opinions here!

Crumby on the Outside, Sweet on the Inside

There is nothing like a good pastry....crispy layers of buttery dough, interspersed with sweet fillings like raisins, almond paste, chocolate, or sweet cheese filling. I love one of those delicious, traditional French pastries. A breakfast treat with that thin layer of crisp pastry that gives way to a delightfully soft layered delicacy.

I think middle school kids are a bit like that. They are hard, crusty and sometimes crumby on the outside, but once you get past that first, thin layer inside you find a a sweet surprise.

There are some days when my middle schooler is hard and crusty....rolling her eyes, sighing, or yelling. She can be demanding and tedious and like croissant pastry she can require a lot of special handling. And then, there are the other days when she is sweet like the filling. Her laughter swells from within and her joy fills the house. I love those days and take full advantage of them, trying to find ways to savor the moment. With our family's busy schedule it isn't always easy to balance activities and family time. Maybe she and I should learn how to make croissants....

How do you balance your middle school child’s life to incorporate quality family time with activities?

Are You Reading?

2009-12-10T22:28:00.011-05:00

The New Albany Community Book Read has officially started!

In case you haven't heard, we're reading Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine. In addition to the culminating discussion on April 19th we'll be hosting a conversation here, at the blogspot.

At this writing, nearly 50 teachers have registered for a continuing education course taught by district staff in conjunction with Ashland University. You are invited to join the conversation and discuss the book along with them.

I'll be posting questions asked by you (the reader/parent/teacher). Responses are invited and encouraged (course participants are required to post). We'll have a moderated discussion about issues in the book and topics covered in the class.

Check back soon and get ready to be part of the conversation.

This blog posts to my Facebook account, so if you're reading this there and want to be part of the district conversation, go directly to the blogspot www.nahspto.blogspot.com.

If you'd like to watch Dr. Levine, the link below is to a conversation she had at San Francisco's Grace Cathedral. It's 50 minutes, so treat it like a television show...turn on your computer, sit back and relax! (cut and paste into your browser)

http://fora.tv/2007/01/14/Madeline_Levine

Maybe along the way I'll pontificate about parenting, too :-)

Mrs. X

2009-11-18T16:29:00.009-05:00

I love the movie The Wizard of Oz. Who doesn't? Enduring values in a modern fairy tale. A parable on populism or political satire. A great way to spend a few hours.

Since it's Thanksgiving, I'm enjoying watching it on television...every time! When I was a child, (this is the cue for the younger readers to roll your eyes) The Wizard of Oz was on television only once a year, in mid-November. The night it was on, I was allowed to bring my special Swanson's TV dinner into the living room, place it on a folding "tv tray", watch television while eating dinner - GASP! I'd watch - covering my eyes when the wicked witch appeared, cheering for Dorothy as she made her way to the Wizard, singing along with scarecrow, tin man and lion, screaming at the flying monkeys and tearfully rejoicing when Dorothy is reunited with Auntie Em. Imagine my surprise the first time I actually watched it on a color television set!

I still enjoy watching the movie, but this year I was struck by a scene part I've never really paid much attention to before. When Dorothy begins her journey, Glenda the Good Witch instructs her to follow the yellow brick road. The munchkins and Dorothy begin chanting, and those beautiful ruby slippers begin making their way from the very beginning of the road. Heel toe. Heel toe. Starting at the very point of where the road begins. I took particular note of the way she was placing her feet. Perhaps the redigitized version made those shoes so much prettier, or maybe I've been noticing how many people don't follow directions. It was curious to me why she was walking this way? Wouldn't it have been faster to just start a few feet ahead and forget that tedious narrow part of the road? Why follow Glenda's directions...wouldn't it be more efficient to take a short cut?

I understand why Dorothy starts this way. She and I are a lot alike. We're rule followers. Had I been in Dorothy's shoes, not only would I have loved all the sparkly rubies, I would have taken those same timid steps, listened carefully, repeated instructions and gone my merry way. Avoiding danger while I looked for the wizard, just as prescribed. I'm like that. I love rules.

Sometimes my fellow parents give me a hard time for being like this. Recently, I've learned that many of my 6th grader daughter's friends have facebook pages. Strange, because facebook states you have to be 14 to have an account. I'm pretty sure that most of the 6th graders are 11 or possibly 12. My daughter doesn't have one because I'd have to condone lying for her to access facebook. You'd think I'm completely insane from what my friends tell me. "WHAT!? "Come on! It's only Facebook." they say. Yes, they are right...it's only Facebook. But it's still a lie. The drop off loop at our school says, "No Passing." So, I sit and wait. Sometimes for a very long time. Sometimes my kids get angry because they think they will be late. Every morning, we watch as cars pass us. My kids say, "Look mom, there's Mrs. X. Didn't she read the sign?" Yesterday while I was waiting, we watched a car cross the center line into a near head on collision with a fellow parent... just to get into the parking lot sooner. Really? Is it worth it? "Sorry that I was late picking you up honey, but I was filling out a police report." Now that's a conversation I wouldn't want to have. A couple of days ago, my kids counted the number of parents picking up their kids who weren't wearing seatbelts (parent or child!). It makes my job harder when I have to justify the rules and in some cases, the law. Now, granted, facebook accounts and driving safety are at different ends of the rule following spectrum, but at some level, rules are rules and as parents we should be role models for following the rules.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm no goody goody and I've broken my fair share of rules. However,

it was easy to do (still wrong, but easy) when my kids were little. I could get away without following all of societies "rules" I could get in the 12 items or less line of the grocery store with extra items. I could drive in the carpool lane with a few less than a carpool. If my speed rose above 65, no one noticed. They didn't ask, I didn't tell. But now, with a teenager and a pre-teen in the house, they notice. They ask and I've got to tell. Do as I do, not as I say, that's my new mantra.

I don't want to be Mrs. X. I want to be Dorothy, following the yellow brick road, heel to toe, heel to toe.

Where Are You?

2009-10-30T08:29:00.008-04:00

"My mother is everywhere and nowhere."

That's a quote from the The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine. We're reading it for our community book read this year. I'm re-reading it.

So, why did this quote stick with me, now? I've been talking and meeting about this subject for months. So why does this girls' statement about her mother make me so uncomfortable.

Perhaps because that quote could have been said by my daughter. I confess. I'm over involved. I want to KNOW what my kids are doing. I want to be everywhere. And I think, sometimes, if I'm everywhere, I'm really not where I should be.

I think I want to know EVERYTHING my kids are doing. But really? Do I? Well, I think I do, until I learn what they are doing, and then I realize...I don't really want to know all the details of their lives.

I DO want to keep them safe. I DO want to make sure they don't get hurt - emotionally or physically. I DO want to save them from the hurtfulness that having friends can sometimes cause. I DO want to make sure they don't make the same mistakes I made. I DO want to be a friend sometimes and a parent at other times. I DO want to be their confidante and their parent.

But when I'm in the details, when I'm everywhere, I'm really nowhere. And it's not good for anyone.

Where are you?

Feather Pillows

2009-09-15T19:57:00.013-04:00

It happened on one beautiful day in 1998 as I picked up my then, 8 year old daughter from school. Her smile beamed at me from the school's driveway. Her cheeks were flush with excitement as she hopped into the backseat to share the happenings of the day. As I usually did, I asked her a simple question. I don't really remember what it was, something like, "When you have quiet reading do you sit alone or can you sit in groups?" and she answered, "DUH MOM! Of course we sit alone, it's QUIET reading."

I was speechless. It was the "duh" word. My friends had told me tales of this horrible word sneaking into their conversations. I prided myself that this had not occurred in my home. My daughter was too considerate, too kind to use such a lazy word not to mention using "duh" is so insulting. My daughter would NEVER speak in such a manner.

She dropped the bomb.

But the bomb had dropped. As parents, we know about the bomb - the F-bomb - is like the nuclear bomb of parenting. "I lost it." we report to each other. "I dropped the f-bomb." Well, my angel of a daughter had dropped the "duh bomb" and I was appalled.

Silence. I said as calmly as possibly, "I don't like that word." In the rearview mirror I saw the eye roll. "Oh my God," I remember thinking, "duh and an eye roll in the same day!" What happened? She went to school an 8 year old and came home a teen ager!

Duh Free Zone.

That night at dinner I presented my new parenting idea, the one I had discussed with my mom friends. I thought it was a genious parenting move. I was excited to share my behavior modification technique with my kids. My friends thought I was over-reacting. "It's colloquial," they said. "That's how kids today speak."

Contrary to my wise sages of the coffee klatch, I began my sales pitch during dinner. "To me", I said, "duh" is like adding "stupid" to the end of a sentence." It's sarcastic and saying it makes the listener feel bad," I continued. A blank stare greeted me from across the table. The baby threw a noodle. "What?!" my daughter replied. "Moooommmm, you're so weird. It doesn't meant that, it's just a saying." "Well, I don't like it." I said. "And, I want you to stop saying it." It took a while, but soon, it was gone. Once I overheard her tell a friend to stop using it because it hurt her feelings. VICTORY!

That sucks.

And then, came "That sucks!".

Ouch.

"What was up with that?" I wondered. "Sucks? Really? My angelic children were using THAT word?" Again, my friends told me to relax, "It really isn't that bad." "It's how the kids speak". Same responses. Different friends. Well, I don't know about you, but I KNOW where that phrase came from and the last thing I wanted was one of my children using that kind of language.

Again the dinner conversation. "We don't say 'that sucks' in our family." I said at dinner one night. I went into detail, probably too much, about the origins of that word (along with "that blows") . My kids (then 5th and 8th grade) were repulsed. VICTORY! (I must admit, that while I've heard them use it on occasion, I know they know how unhappy I am to hear them use such language.)

And language is what I've been thinking about lately.

Words are powerful. The words we choose to use and the words choose not to use. The words we shout out in an unexpected moment of excitement and the words we whisper when we think no one is listening. The words we use when we interrupt someone's moment of exhiliration or when we complain about a bad call. We can't take our words back.

We can apologize. We can feel disappointed in ourselves for our outburst, but the words are out there. In today's world, our words are recorded, videotaped, pixellated and propelled into cyberspace, television land and beyond. They become a permanent memory for all of us. Our words say a lot about us.

Do we respect the President? Do we respect a referree at a sporting event? Do we respect a fellow entertainer during her shining moment?

The events of the past few weeks have given me a lot of conversation starters with my kids about language. The actions of some of our role models during the last few weeks reminded me of a story I heard a few years ago.

"A man went about the community telling malicious lies about the rabbi. Later, he realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged forgiveness, saying he would do anything he could to make amends. The rabbi told the man, "Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds." The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a simple enough task, and he did it gladly. When he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done it, the rabbi said, "Now, go and gather the feathers. Replace them in the pillow just as they were before." "But rabbi, that would be impossible," replied the man. "Yes," said the rabbi. "You can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers."

Feather pillows.

Of course, no one is perfect. And sometimes we have all cut open a feather pillow and let the feathers fly. I have and I admit, it feels good. However, after watching congressmen, tennis players, musicians and most recently, our President this past week and listening to how they let their feathers fly, I think this year I'll start sleeping on my feathers rather than trying to recollect them.

Do it before breakfast.

2009-09-01T20:40:00.014-04:00

Never mind what we were talking about....it’s probably worthwhile advice no matter what you’re thinking about.

Since I'm not a breakfast eater, a whole new world of possibilities opened up before me. All day, to just...well, that's right...just do it. Except, I don't think my friend knew about my bad habit of skipping the most important meal of the day. Rather, my friend was encouraging me to just get it done. To do it before the distractions of the day take over. Do it before other things fill my plate, so to speak.

For a stay-at-home-mom, getting it done before breakfast can be hard. Sometimes it can be hard to prioritize. If Scarlett O’Hara, of "Gone with the Wind", fame had been a housewife, she'd my role model. I hear her in my head exclaiming, "Fiddle dee dee. I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

And we all know, tomorrow is a great day. It's always full of promise and possibility. Today? Well, I’ll think about my to-do list later. First, I've got to check my email....

When my friend game me this advice I don't think he was really telling me I had to do everything before breakfast. I think he was secretly trying to give me a lesson about time. My friend is like that, he speaks in metaphors and symbols, sometimes it's hard to understand what he's really saying. But, I digress.

I think his message of "do it before breakfast" was to remind me to keep track of the time. Be mindful of it. It's cliche to talk about the gift of time. Jim Croce wanted to save time in a bottle, Ben Franklin wanted to stitch in time to save nine. My girl friends and I are always waxing poetic about our kids: Where does the time goes? How did they get so big? Remember when....

We only get so much time, never sure when ours will run out. And, with age and wisdom we learn we have to be careful about how we use it. It’s easy to waste. It's easy to revert to the Scarlett O'Hara in all of us and think about what we will accomplish tomorrow.

So, I'm taking my friends advice. Today, I did it before breakfast. It wasn’t easy. There were a lot of distractions. But I did it and it felt good.

Now, I'm hungry because it’s almost time for lunch.

Status Update: What's on your mind?

2009-08-30T13:40:00.011-04:00

If you have a Facebook page and have ever wondered about posting your status, you'll understand my problem.

If you're not familiar with a Facebook status, it's an opportunity to post, "What's on your mind." For Facebook junkies, like myself, deciding on my daily (or hourly!) status is one of the first decisions of the day. Every morning, I weigh my options: Do I write what is REALLY on my mind, "I'm tired. I'm cranky. Where's my coffee?" Or do I try to come up with some oh-so-clever, catchy status, like the one recently posted, "I would like to agree with you, but that would make us both wrong."

Since my introduction to Facebook two years ago, I've noticed a clear distinction between my friends. Some are clever status posters. Others? Well not so much...."making pot roast for dinner." And others? I have many friends, too busy for status updates. Their profile pages just show their smiling faces and names. No status updates. Nothing on their minds. I wonder about these people. Really? You have nothing on your mind?

So, I succumb to Facebook peer pressure and each morning while I enjoy my coffee, I read the Facebook posts. I laugh. I groan. I post. What will be on my mind today? Will I be funny or clever? Rarely, if ever, does a friend's status post remain in my conscious brain for longer than an internet-minute.

David is bringing Corey to Madison. That was my friend David's status last week. It struck me then and I haven't stopped thinking about it. It was simple, but in those 6 words, David said what I had been trying to say for weeks.

David was bringing his child to college. He wasn't leaving him, he wasn't dropping him off, he wasn't moving him in. My status that same week was "Off to New Orleans. Laissez les bon temps roulez." It felt like an oxymoron. I did not feel like letting les bon temps roulez. I was anxious. Nervous. Sad. I would miss my daughter. What would our life be with this new change? How would we manage. Would she be ok. God...WOULD I BE OK??!!!

Then, it struck me. I realized, this was exactly how I felt when she was born. Not so many years ago, it seems, my husband and I brought her home from the hospital. Then, like now, we were filled with hopes, dreams, expectations, and love. We brought that little bundle home, settled her in her newly decorated room, and began our lives as a family. This was just like then. We were bringing our bundle, now a young woman, to her new home in New Orleans. We were settling her into her newly decorated room and beginnig a new chapter in our life as a family. My friend, David, had articulated that relationship between lifecycle transitions. As loving parents, we bring our children to important life experiences. We don't drop them off, leave them, or take them. We, as parents, bring them.

This week, my other two children begin school. I'll be thinking of my friend, David, and his Facebook status. While I won't be bringing them to school - they would be mortified- I will be thinking of all the places I have already brought them and and the places I will bring them. When they are ready.

Meet(ing) The Parents

2009-07-14T09:19:00.008-04:00

Last week my son made plans with a friend to just "hang out". This really wasn't a surprise, since throughout our 4 day mini-vacation, he and his "friend" texted non-stop...Niagara Falls, the CN Tower, and other Canadian sights were spotted in fits and spurts as he spent the vacation with thumbs affixed to his phone, madly tapping away. Turns out, the "friend" was a girl, who is really more than a "friend". Not surprising, since my son seems to have a lot of friends who are girls - some turn out to be crushes, some turn out to be pals. What really surprised me; however, was when he came to me to tell me that the "friend's" mother wanted to meet me. "She wants to make sure you'll be home." he reported. I couldn't help but laugh (to myself). "Really?!" I thought, "who wants to meet the parents of a high schooler...I haven't met one of David's friends' parents in forever. This isn't a playdate!" And then, it hit me. This WAS a play date! Albeit a play date of a different nature, there was nothing different for this mom about about dropping her 14 year old daughter off at someone's home to "hang out" than there was for me when I take my 11 year old to a friend's house after school to "play".

So, why was I initially shocked that the parents wanted to meet me? It was an "aha" moment for me. Meeting parents knows no time limit. This mom was "doing good parenting" and I noticed in myself a small failing. This mother was continuing the good parenting she started years earlier. We've all taken our children to play dates with new friends. As concerned moms, we walk to the door (usually we're invited in) and we meet the parents. We schmooze for a bit, all the while surreptitiously checking out the other home. When our kids are small we look for the tell tale signs of a safe house - toilet locks, cabinet locks, gates on the stairs. When our kids are older we arm them with our phone numbers "just in case" and then, they get cell phones and we, if mistakenly, believe that they are armed for any situation and for some reason we stop going to the door.

When our kids are older, in high school, we think they are more responsible. We embarrass them. They beg us, "please just drop me off and then GO!". When we stand in the entryway too long, they roll their eyes, silently pleading.... just go. So, whether to please our kids and excuse ourselves, we do...we just drop them off. But by doing this we miss great opportunities. When we drop and drive, we don't meet the parents. We also don't show our kids that we are concerned, that we care.

I have been guilty of this - dropping and driving. Sometimes because it is faster, more convenient for me. Sometimes it's because I don't really want to meet the parents. Sometimes I'm feeling shy, overwhelmed or nervous about making a new acqaintance. Yet, in each of these circumstances I've missed out. I've missed out on making a connection. An important connection for me AND my child. And why is this important Alan Wolfe, Ph.D. says in his book Get out of my life but first will you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?

Teengagers fervently wish their parents would leave them alone. They hate their parents rules and constantly rail against them. They hate their parents concern....And yet it is precisely this parental concern which assures that their children do not feel alone. This concern is what we can give them in their adolescence.

Dr. Wolfe believes that showing concern for what our kids are doing is exactly the guidance that they need at this age. I agree. But I also believe that by not leaving them alone, by insisting that we meet the parents we grow our community. Community is based on a communal need for unity....comm - unity. We live in a wonderful community. Our school is a great example of our community. People, making connections, meeting each other, coming together, with a common goal and interest - their children and supporting our schools. This is a recipe that makes a great community. When we work together, when we meet each other and find common unity we make our school and our kids stronger.

I hope during the frantic days of schedule pick up, and school registration that lay ahead you'll find a meaningful role in our school community. I hope you'll find some way to make a connection and meet the parents. Maybe they are other parents on the athletic field. Maybe they are parents dropping off children for band camp. Or maybe it's the new parent alone looking lost. Whoever it is, meet them.

If you're looking for a formal invitation, the first PTO meeting for parents new to the high school will be Wedensday Septmeber 9th in the Jefferson Room - but of courase, all parents are welcome. You can come, meet some new parents, share some wisdom and make some connections.

I can't think of a better time to meet the parents.

The First Month of a PTO President

2009-06-23T14:43:00.010-04:00

Well, nearly a month has passed since the gavel was officially passed. If you weren't at the last PTO meeting, that's ok - there will be more this year. I hope to see you at one, listen to your comments and maybe even convince you to volunteer!

Since that meeting, I have been hard at work meeting with as many folks as possible. Jeff Warner, Communications Director for the District; Rex Reeder, Athletic Director; Middle School PTO leadership and of course, our high school leadership - Scott Stewart and Ric Stranges. Everyone has been so welcoming and generous with their time and information. I've quickly learned THERE IS A LOT TO DO. Of course, it hasn't been all work - I did get to enjoy a casual lunch with former PTO leadership to learn from the best veterans in town.

After meeting with so many people and thinking about how the PTO can best serve the school community, I've come up with three areas of focus: Communty Building, Program Support, and of course, Fundraising. Each of these areas has lots of opportunity for you to get involved on a regular basis or just once. I hope you will find something that sparks your fancy and you'll volunteer some time for our great schools!

I've decided to attend Board of Education meetings (BOE) as a way of keeping myself informed of what's going on district-wide, so I can report on that at PTO meetings...I plan to report as much as I can both at the meetings, here and on the facebook group. Speaking of which, if you've not joined the NAHS PTO Facebook Group - Please do!

So - for my first blog post, I thought I'd give a brief summary of the BOE meeting for those of you who couldn't be there. Not counting BOE members there were only about 5 parents attending so that would mean there were probably about 3,000 of you who couldn't attend! Maybe next time, right?

Well, the meeting was interesting with lots of information shared by many in the district. Dr. Castle reported that New Albany will be featured in an upconing issue of Newsweek - one of the nation's top 100 districts!!! That comes with the other great news that the Middle School will be recognized on Thursday as a top middle school in the nation. Congratulations Andy Culp! What a feather in his cap along with his intrepid Assistant Principal, Jamie Lusher. They will be honored in Washington, D.C. on Thursday and receive their honor along with the other schools noted for this achievement. Of course, there was the requisite financial information about the upcoming PI which will expire in December of 2009. Currently, this PI provides $1.6 million dollars of revenue to the district that can be spent on items with lasting value of 5+ years (busses, technology, books, capital improvements etc). The district is exploring three options with respect to this - renew it at the current rate of 1.72 mills, replace it at the 2.0 mills rate, or allow it to expire. The first option will mean no new taxes, the second will mean a higher valuation, and the third option means a tax break or reduction. The Board will reconvene the finance committee to discuss this further before they actually decide how or if this will appear on the ballot. I'm sure we'll be reading about this one in the paper!!! Of course I had some questions myself - what are the current budgeted epxenditures in this category? What would it mean if this expired? and How would the district be impacted without this money? Hopefully, these questions can be answered in the course of the next few weeks. The BOE will be making a decision soon on which strategic planning firm will be hired (you can see their proposals on the district's website). Our outstanding athletes of the season were recognized (track, lacrosse, tennis) as were our outstanding graduates (NAHS students were admitted to all ivy leagues schools - more accurately a FEW NAHS students were admitted to ALL the schools to which they applied, including multiple ivy leagues!) Regardless CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OUR GREAT STUDENTS!

There are some exciting things going on across the district for students - K-5 students can participate in summer reading and writing programs and for 2nd through 8th graders can attend "summer bridge" programs for students who can benefit from additional learning opportunities and intervention. The High School is also offering some credit recovery opportunities for students who failed or had difficulties this past year. It's a huge benefit to our students to be able to offer these programs here. Firstly, students attending summer programs on campus here are assured of the same high quality learning opportunities as they experience during the year, secondly, we are able to waive fees for these students if they stay in the district. Not only are the students learning on campus but our teachers are doing so as well. Teachers are participating in some online courses, smart board course, a Central Ohio Technology Summit and opportunities to learn how to enhance the curriculum with technology. Exciting changes were made to the College Counseling website as well - check it out - it looks great. If you've not had a chance to meet our college counselor, Jeff Stahlman, you should take a minute to stop by and say hello - he's a treasure to our district.

New Albany For Kids (http://www.newalbanyforkids.org/) presented the results of their recent forum (May 19th). They gave an extensive presentation (you can find it on their website) but shared some key findings. Basically, 5 themes emerged from their evening forum: Educational Excellence (parents want to know what it is, how is it defined, how do we attain it and how do we measure it); Innovative Curriculum (curriculum should have breadth and depth, what do kids need to know? how is it delivered? is it consistent from building to building, grade to grade, teacher to teacher); Leadership and Vision (we need to return to civil and respectful discourse, re-establish trust with the administration and board, encourage a willingnes to volunteer - YES!) Facilities and Space Planning (pretty self-explanatory) and finally, Collaboration and Accomplishment (use resources productively, use community resourses, and partner as appropriate). It was a great presentation (I guess I'm partial because I'm friends with Ted Bernard and Laura Kohler). NAFK plans on holding future discussion forums so if you're interested in sharing your opinion, check out their website for more information.

As the BOE moved into the business portion of its meeting the hour turned late and I had to run, but I did stay to see the new teachers' contracts approved (intervention specialists, elementary school teachers, a MS guidance teacher, and two high school teachers were hired). The regular business was conducted (and you can see what this was by visiting the BOE link on the school website) Aside from a brief discussion about school fees the meeting was pretty uneventful. Board Member Mike Klein was the loan dissenting vote on the approval of a school fee increase. Apparently, he philosophically opposes charging school fees. I'm not sure why, but if you have questions, you should definately ask him! I hear he has quite a following on twitter....

As the summer gets underway the PTO Executive Board (Bonnie Abramowitz, Susie Hirsh, and Marlene Donaldson and I) will be planning for the upcoming school year. As I mentioned above, there is a lot of work to do and many committees that will need your help.

Save the Date for the Supply Sale on August 24/25th (Teresa Denis and Peg Roberts will need volunteers to help), The Teacher Grant Committee chaired by Sue Carter will also need members, the PTO provides dinner to teachers during conferences and breakfast during teacher appreciation week, we help with the Eagle Pride breakfast, we'll be coordinating with the middle school on parent education, and of course there is always fundraising. I've got some great ideas that we'll be talking about in the coming weeks. Look for a PTO tailgate before a fall game, a Thursday night at the Rusty Bucket as well as a continuation of Coffee and Conversation at the high school.

That's all for now. Remember, I'm interested in hearing from you - comment on the blog, send me an email, post on facebook or better yet, give me a call and we can get together for coffee.

Until next time....